Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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