dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
