I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
