I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
