So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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