I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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