Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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