even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
