If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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