Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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