the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Vodka?
Forever.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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