8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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