Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
