normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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