How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
