do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
