So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
