my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
