just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
