I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize