I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Randomize
