her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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