so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
