just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
