Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
