i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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