My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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