Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Randomize
