Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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