she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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