Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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