Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
