:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
