there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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