just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
