you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
