Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
