i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I didn't notice because vodka
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
