take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I just want nice things and good sex
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
