I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
