My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Just invented taco cereal.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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