so explain again why im purple
no
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
