I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
