My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
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I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
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We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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