What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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