I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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