turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
