He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
