went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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