Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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