look no pants
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
