Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
