Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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