I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
