So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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