so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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