do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
