and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
