Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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