I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
