Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
