The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize