she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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