She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
