I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
