my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
