I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
