in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
