Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
