I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
