I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You pole danced in your parka.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
