honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
