I think I died a long time ago.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
