You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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